Why does it always end up like this? Something that we don't determine.

Rafa came into my life on November 8th, 2011.  After finding him online, I placed a bid and before I knew it, ebay said he was mine.  (Or I rescued him).  As soon as I met him, he seemed attached.  He followed me to the bathroom, bedroom, anywhere.  It made me smile.  He would sit with his back nudged to Emily and I.  Manners weren't critical at this point.  I just appreciated him being around.  The first couple weeks were interesting but I enjoyed them.  It was something completely new and I realized that this dog made me laugh on many occasions.  Surely it wasn't all glitz and glam with this cutie patootie.  He also started to show a side of himself that did not appear immediately.  Once his honeymoon phase was over, he quickly showed us how things would be.  I wish that honeymoon phase turned into a long, happy non-Hollywood marriage.   

 Although Rafa was not the largest dog in our apartment complex, he started to get restless.  While he seemed okay with the space of the apartment, he was very curious, and not in the good way.  He decided to get into anything he could, bite anything he could, bark at anyone he could, bother anyone who was merely breathing. This saddened me and stressed me out more than I imagined.  The thing was, I could handle anything inside the apartment.  Keeping things out of his reach was manageable.  Blocking off the kitchen was something that could be done if it meant having a dog who didn't present himself with a piece of toast hanging out of his mouth.  Hiding the couch pillows and keeping a bottle of carpet cleaner in close proximity was no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

The main problem with this deceivingly adorable dog, would occur when we stepped outside the apartment.  He created a sense of fear in the eyes of residents as well as myself.  Upon seeing anyone in the hallway or elevator, Rafa barked, growled, lunged, and appeared as the aggressive dog I'd hope would never show up.  People refused to get on the elevator with him.  Heaven forbid anyone was patiently waiting for an elevator because as soon as Rafa saw them, it was go time.  I couldn't say he was harmless to the people because he clearly did not look harmless.  How would I know what he would do if he got his paws on anyone?  That thought scared me enough to take the stairs down and up 10 flights each time to avoid people at all costs.  Unfortunately, there were times we would run into people on the staircase which was also a major stressor.  I took Rafa to a personal trainer where she noticed his aggressive behaviors immediately.  We went through a few drills where I had to reward him with hot dog bits (don't get me started) and I learned some new advice and tricks for Rafa at the apartment.  As I tried to keep his attention while walking through hallways, I only could to a certain extent but once any person became present, all bets were off.  The aggressive behavior turned on like the flip of a switch.  The other day a man walked out of his room very quickly, too quick for me to react, and Rafa immediately jumped on him and scratched him.  I was traumatized.  I am traumatized.  It was too late to hide in the staircase.  It was too late to crouch down to hold Rafa back.  It was too late to pull him in any opposite direction.  It was too late.  

Rafa is leaving today.  For good.  It devastates me that these situations have occurred and could not be stopped.  It was only a matter of time before something very extreme happened and I do not wish that upon anyone, not even myself.  I love Rafa.  I truly do.  I know he will be in better hands as he is going to live in a house, not an apartment, and not near elevators.  I'm lucky to have such nice loved ones in my life who have listened to me cry or talk about how stressful this has been or how much he has touched my life.  I'm thankful for their kind words, support, and telling me this is the right thing for everyone, including Rafa.  

So instead of remembering Rafa as an aggressive dog who created a sense of fear in others, I want to remember him in other ways.  I will remember him curling up on the end of the couch closing his eyes.  I will remember his ears perking up at the sound of anything.  I will remember his folded ear and his straight ear.  I will remember his big puppy dog eyes that looked up and melted my heart.  I will remember chasing him down the hallway as he sprinted from one end to the other.  I will remember him sitting next to me and trying to give me kisses in December when I was sad.  I will remember him meeting my family and loving them and showering them with kisses (including John's iPad!).  I will remember taking him to Bellingham and Portland.  I will remember him running in the apartment so fast that he would hit the wall before he could stop himself.  I will remember his shadow outside of my bedroom door, knowing that he was waiting there in the morning until I woke up.  I will remember running with him when he would pee every 10 seconds.  I will remember having him get up from his bed the second I opened the door.  I will remember him being scared of his reflection in the window.  I will remember his beautiful coat of fur.  I will remember how many times he made me laugh.  I will remember how I felt like a proud mother and wanted to capture all of his cute moments.  I will remember having a friend who left a last impression on me for over 2 months of my entire life.  

I will miss you, Rafa.  I wish you all the very best.  Take care, bud.

          Best,
                 Anne